EOTW #8

Like a rat up an aqueduct, here's Week 8 of the Grazia-endorsed* Euphemisms Of The Week, and it's been a bumper one (or perhaps I've been on Twitter more than usual, if that's possible within the confines of the existing laws of space and time...)

Recently observed on the web of shame:

• Buying turmeric in Brussels
• Unblocking the Hoover hose
• Advertising Anne Widdicombe’s pasta
• Coming across John Craven in the video shop
• Naming the Bay City Rollers

More to follow...

* no, not really.

EOTW #7

What's the best euphemism for nasty stomach bug? Ach. Erp. Ick. Oof. Ugh.

Anyway, here we go for Week 7 of the Vogue-championed* Euphemisms Of The Week, and they're still rolling in like the mist from the sea on the Mull Of Kintyre, or something equally tenuous.

Recently observed on the web of shame:

• Tolerating the Bismarck
• Sniffing the bud of the caper bush
• Drinking from the Spanish cup
• Re-hanging the girlfriend's washing
• Playing a tune on the mango banjo

More to follow...

* no, not really.

EOTW #6

On to Week 6 of the TLS-lauded* Euphemisms Of The Week and we're bang up to date now. So it turns out that Twitter is a rich seam of snigger-inducing phraseology. Who knew? Oh, you all did. Right.

Recently observed on the web of shame:

• Christening the muffin pan
• Buying specialist table sauces
• Falling over in George Michael's back garden
• Springing a leak in the cafetiere
• Getting coronation chicken all over the desk

More to follow...

* no, not really.

EOTW #5

Week 5 of Euphemisms Of The Week is upon us with some beauties this time round (must have been the influence of Valentine's Day :)

Recently observed on the web of shame:

• Receiving a haggis in the post
• Folding a Kemp
• Taking helicopter shots of The Gherkin
• Playing cricket in Surbiton
• Getting cheese on the Korg

More to follow...

EOTW #4

And onwards we march with Week 4 of Euphemisms Of The Week

Recently observed on the web of shame:

• Spotting a pea in the wine
• Tucking into a melon basket
• Warming up the butter in a pocket
• Finding a chocolate under the expenses pile
• Rationing the spiced apple Febreeze

More to follow...

EOTW #3

Blimey, Week 3 of Euphemisms Of The Week rolled round so fast, I missed it yesterday...

Recently observed on the web of shame:

• Tucking a Bentley behind the Range Rover
• Getting out the Euro Disney brochure
• Eating a jazz apple
• Riding the drama llama
• Overestimating the size of the wheelhouse

More to follow...

EOTW #2

Time for Week 2 of Euphemisms Of The Week already? OK, let it roll.

Recently observed on the web of shame:

• Eating the prawn spoon
• Playing ping-pong out the back
• Hiding in the Wendy house
• Stealing the lunch-box
• Buffing the laptop

More to follow...

EOTW #1

As promised, here we go with Week 1.

In no particular order, then, and all genuinely witnessed online by my good (bad?) self online recently:

• Holding the baby reindeer.
• Varnishing the banister.
• Giving potatoes to the Scandinavians.
• Popping into Waterstones.
• Startling the hamster.

I'm going to enjoy this...

Euphemisms Of The Week (coming soon)

As I traverse the internet, stumbling from comments thread to twitter feed to forum post, I find myself inexorably drawn to those random phrases which, taken out of context, force a chuckle of childish delight upon me at the somewhat euphemistic nature of their very existence.

So, gentle reader, for 2010 I will be starting a fresh theme based on a weekly round-up of five of the best on offer out there on the intertubes, as witnessed by my very own eyes/ears.

Now I'll come clean from the off and admit I have a bit of a lengthy backlog, so the first few may contain bits and bobs from the tail end of 2009 - hey, you may even see your choice epithet in lights...

Childish? Silly? Mind like a Welsh railway? Guilty as charged, m'lud. Bring it on...